To know what you have to do, you first must understand what it is you want to achieve. Therein lies the difference between a memorial service and a life celebration. The two can be used almost interchangeably, but it’s the aesthetic behind each that differs. A memorial service is (usually) a more traditional affair - formal clothes and the like. A life celebration, on the other hand, might invite guests to dress colourfully and in more casual wear.
One way is just as good as the other. It’s all about how you want to be remembered, or how you want to remember your loved one.
On that note, before we go into the how-to: consider pre-planning your funeral. Talk with your family and friends, and tell them how you’d like to be remembered. Setting some money aside for your funeral can help your loved ones through a difficult time, but actually discussing the details with them may take the most important burden off of their (and your) shoulders. How early should you pre-plan your funeral? It’s like planting a tree - the best time was yesterday, the second best time is now. You can always shift your plans as you change and grow.
Your Budget
One of the reasons it can be useful to pre-plan a service is that you’ll be able to set a budget more easily. No matter how you plan, however, everyone has a budget, and that can be the biggest bottleneck. There will be some things that you’ll want to spend more on, and some you’ll spend less on; you’ll have to decide what’s most important.
Why?
This might seem silly. It’s not. The why of the ceremony means everything.
There’s the obvious answer - when someone dies, we mourn. We mark their death. That’s something we’ve done since before the written word, and perhaps something we’ve done before we could describe it. Elephants do it too. It’s natural.
The question goes deeper, though. To ask yourself why you’re remembering someone is to remember them - even if you’re pre-planning a funeral, and remembering your own wants and needs. There’s no simple answer to this question, but through all the steps ahead, remind yourself of the purpose of the ceremony/celebration.
Who?
The who is simple - who is going to be at the service? Determining how many people will be in attendance is important for all of your logistics. How big does the place hosting the service need to be? How much food is required? Is there anyone you’ll need to fly in?
This category encompasses the people you’ll need to run the service as well, from funeral home staff to religious figures. There are costs associated for some of these people, and they tend to be essential, so they should be a set point in your budget.
Where?
Now that you’ve determined who will be attending, you can figure out where the ceremony is happening. Often, services will have multiple locations - you may start at a church, go to a cemetery, and end at a memorial forest. The places you’ll go are generally dictated by
How many people are attending
Religious, spiritual, and/or aesthetic needs
There are a number of other questions to ask, of course. How much do they charge? What is their property maintenance like (are their lawns well-tended/are the buildings in good repair)? How do you get along with the staff? Is the area easily accessible? How far is it from the people who are likely to visit it (if a permanent remembrance of some kind is at that location)?
What/How?
A lot of your aesthetic choices will be chosen here, and how many you can choose will depend heavily on your budget, most of which (for many) consist of the services and location described above.
What kind of decor are you going to get? Flowers are always popular, but not everyone wants big bouquets. What kind of music is going to be played? How is the day going to proceed? Who is going to speak, and what are they going to say? Who will write the obituary? Will there be photos, slides, or videos?
There are far too many possible details to list here. Don’t let that worry you. Don’t think about every detail that could be in it - try to find what’s most important, and branch out from there.
When?
Don’t feel rushed into having a ceremony right away. In the case of embalming, you have plenty of time to plan and choose dates for the ceremony/celebration. In our time, long-distance travellers are common at these ceremonies, and funeral homes have adapted - they can shelter your loved one for months.
In the case of cremation, it has become more and more common to have memorials later, or to have several memorials. Scattering ceremonies are quite popular, and some people elect to scatter the ashes slowly over time, so they might celebrate the life of their loved one with many people in many places.