We need to talk about death.
Talking about death is, for most of us, uncomfortable. Very uncomfortable. It’s a strange thing - death is inevitable, but talking about the one thing that’s certain in life is difficult at best, and taboo at worst. Perhaps death is hard to talk about because of its inevitability; it can be hard to think about the world going on after you or a loved one are gone.
We need to talk about it anyway.
The mental, emotional, and economic advantages of talking about death are both powerful and far-reaching. These advantages aren’t just felt on an individual or even familial level; if everyone in our society was more willing to talk about death, we’d all be better off.
Conversations about death can take many forms. Here, we’re going to focus on three of the more functional topics:
End of Life Care
Pre-planning
Funerals/Estate Planning
Having a conversation about death in broader, more philosophical, and/or more spiritual terms can be useful, too. The topics being addressed here were chosen because the advantages of having these conversations are more easily measured.
End of Life Care
An uncomfortable situation many are reluctant to discuss, but that everyone should discuss: if you’re not able to make decisions for yourself, what should your healthcare team do? In situations where death from a disease is certain, should they keep you intubated to prolong your life? Who should decide what kinds of care you get?
These questions may seem daunting or even unanswerable - that’s why now is the best time to answer them. The grief and stress that come from not knowing what your loved one would want can seem unbearable. The conversation might be a difficult one, but it’s almost certainly much easier than your family having the conversation when you’re not around.
Advanced healthcare directives (some of which are referred to as “living wills”) are the most practical solution to this important question. You have two options with advanced directives: you can name an individual to make decisions on your behalf, or you can set out a number of specific guidelines and/or directives for your medical team to follow.
Note that the laws governing advanced directives can vary from province to province; talk to a lawyer about the types of advanced directives that are applicable to you.
The advantages of advanced directives go beyond the obvious value of taking a great deal of stress off your family’s shoulders. Uncertainty is also a burden on our medical system; every moment staff spends with a family to try to help them come to a decision is time lost with another patient. It’s no exaggeration to say that the more advanced directives there are, the more efficient our healthcare system will be. The more efficient our healthcare system is, the more lives can be saved.
NPR has an excellent podcast about advanced directives - specifically, about a town where about 96% of people have one. Give it a listen.
The conversation about end of life care can extend to a conversation about what care you would want if you’re otherwise unable to make decisions. Questions about living arrangements might pop up. Where will you live if you have a hard time with activities of daily living? What is home health care like in your province, and is there a viable alternative of out of home care? The more you get into the details, the easier things will be should a worst case scenario arise.
Pre-planning Funerals
In much the same way that writing an advanced healthcare directive can spare your family pain, pre-planning your funeral can take a huge weight off the shoulders of you and your loved ones.
Pre-planned funerals have a number of financial advantages, too. By making arrangements in advance, you give yourself the opportunity to visit a number of different funeral homes. You can compare prices and services offered, then make the decision that best suits your needs and your financial situation.
Perhaps most importantly, you’ll get a say in exactly how your funeral will look. Want a particular song to be played? No problem. Love a particular colour or flower? It’ll be there. Being able to weigh in on the aesthetic components of your funeral, not to mention its spiritual and emotional components, can be incredibly empowering.
You might, for example, want to be cremated instead of buried. You might want your body donated to science. You might want a tree planted in a memorial forest in your honour. You can make sure your wishes are respected when you pre-plan.
Estate Planning
Estate planning can be incredibly complex, especially if you have a number of investments and/or several people you’d like to benefit from your estate.
Talking to a financial advisor, a lawyer, or any number of other professionals about your estate is a good idea, regardless of your net worth. Having a will and other documents that clearly spell out how your wealth is to be distributed after your death provides clarity in much the same way a living will does.
Paradigm Insurance, an estate planning company, recommends most of its clients talk about their plans for their estate with relevant stakeholders. While documents might spell out where your money is supposed to go, talking about it can help stop unwelcome surprises. When everyone knows exactly who gets what, there’s less chance of contention, arguments, and fallout. Grievances can be addressed, your loved ones can talk about their feelings, and toxic scenarios can be avoided.
Talking about death is good for everyone. It can be emotional, it can be difficult, but waiting just means these conversations will happen at a more stressful time, and without your input. Having these conversations can be good for you, your loved ones, and society at large. It’s worth the effort.~