Choosing a memorial for yourself or your family is one of those things that is somehow both intensely personal and interpersonal. When choosing your own memorial, or one to represent your family, you’ll want to find the right words and phrases, the perfect materials, the best spot to capture an entire lifetime worth of experiences. You want to find something that both you, your family, later generations, and passersby can appreciate - something uniquely you, but universal. That can seem like a daunting task (and it’s one you should think about well in advance) but with some deliberation, you can create something meaningful. We’ve prepared seven questions you should ask when choosing a memorial in order to help you with this endeavour.

Who Is The Memorial For?

You should look at this question, first in a narrow sense, then in a broader capacity. A memorial for you might highlight personal details about your life - you might inscribe a phrase or philosophy that was important to you or symbols that are meaningful to you in some way. These symbols might be religious, spiritual, professional, or just totally personal. When crafting a memorial for someone else, you’ll want to consult with them about the things they want represented. A memorial for a whole family is a different affair - you might want one plaque for each person in the family or a large plaque dedicated to shared family ideals and symbolism.

Switching to a broader lens, there could be a lot of people who look at the memorial. What kind of ideals do you want to impart onto new generations of family members in the future who might pass by the memorial? What kinds of things do you wish strangers knew about your family or your life - what wisdom or ideas do you wish you could pass onto humanity? The answers might be complicated, the answer might be nothing at all - you don’t need to have a burning desire for strangers to see your memorial. Trust your heart.

What Will The Memorial Look Like?

Once you’ve narrowed down who the memorial is for and what kinds of things the people it’s for might like to see, you can start imagining the memorial itself. There are often a number of different components to a memorial; they might include a tree, a plaque, or even something like a bench. You can think of the colours you might want on the plaque itself, as well as the symbols and phrases you’d like to include, then think about what kind of tree might be nice. An oak to represent power and courage? A blossoming tree for love and beauty? Perhaps a tree that was found in your family’s yard? These decisions will all shape the overall aesthetic of the memorial, which is why you should consider the who before the what.

Where Will The Memorial Be Located?

Memorial parks and cemeteries tend to serve different purposes; both exist to remember loved ones, but a memorial park is a large area filled with memorials, while a cemetery is specifically a place where remains are interred. A memorial park might have a cemetery within it, though many do not.

Visiting a memorial park is the best way of learning whether or not the grounds are right for you. One of the best ways of checking on things is to look at their lawn and property maintenance. Is the grass well-maintained and healthy? Are there weeds? In the wintertime, are the paths kept clear of snow and the memorials visible? This will give you a good idea about how invested in upkeep the owners of the park are.

You should also consult with the owners about their plans for the future. Do they have a succession plan should they opt to leave the business? Ask those that do have a succession plan about what exactly it is so that you know that your memorial will be in good hands for generations to come.

When Will The Memorial Be Needed?

This question can be a bit tough to dwell on but the answer is “eventually”, no matter what your life situation is. You might want the memorial for someone who has already passed or you might want the memorial for a pet who has already reached old age. No matter who the memorial is for, it’s always best to plan for it in advance because it can be difficult to make arrangements for a funeral when you’re grieving. The earlier you plan in advance, the less stress you’ll have in the future.

How Will The Memorial Be Used?

As mentioned above, many memorial parks don’t have cemeteries, and the memorial itself is rarely used for remains. That said, many memorials will allow you to spread a small number of ashes after cremation onto the soil near the memorial plaque or tree (not too many, though as it can negatively affect the soil). You should think about how the memorial might be used during the funeral ceremonies, and how it will be used afterwards. Will it be a spot for contemplation, a reading place, a gathering place, a resting place, or something else.

Why Are You Getting a Memorial?

This question is kind of a summary of everything we just went over. There are a lot of reasons you might opt for a memorial; you want something special and long-lasting that can be used by your family for generations, you want to opt for a non-traditional remembrance of a loved one, you want to contribute to a publicly accessible space of beauty, or for personal reasons totally apart from these. 

What Is Your Budget?

Now that you’ve answered all of the preceding questions, you know what features you want in a memorial and its uses, you’ll be able to figure out what your budget is. Speak with a few different memorial parks about all of the questions we just discussed, then get a price point for what it will cost you. Adjust based on your budget, find the best combination of price and features, and you’re all set.

Written by - Christie Simon